Shauna Mary Catherine Matheson, February 13, 1983 – June 7, 1997

Since Shauna’s passing in 1997, our grief moved from those years where it was nothing but raw emotional pain for our loss, to acceptance, but always the hole in our hearts remained, and would rush to the fore on special occasions like Christmas, or when a memory of her was triggered by seeing one of her old friends, or hearing her favourite song, or coming across something of hers, usually when looking for something else.  It’s funny but I find that while that used to be painful, and would often bring tears, we now find it curiously comforting, and it brings a smile. A sad smile, but a smile just the same. Maybe it has to do with passage of time or keeping her memory alive. 

A big, and especially sad trigger was the news last month of the young people who died in a car accident in Fredericton, very close to here, including a 14 year old girl, the very age Shauna was when she had her accident. When we heard about that and then saw the Gleaner story with her mother, and heard the parents of the other victims on the television news, it brought back a flood of memories, and we couldn’t help but put ourselves in those parent’s shoes. Our hearts broke for them. We hope they are doing as well as can be expected. If we had any words of experience to leave with them, it would be to lean on your friends, and, to take to heart a quote from some unknown but wise person that we found absolutely true: “Grief never ends. But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. It is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love.”  

As is our routine, we will visit Shauna’s grave today, reflect on our memories, and wonder how her life would be now that she would be in her forties, forty-one, actually. God, approaching middle age but to us, forever 14. Would she have found her soulmate, what about a career, and would she have kids of her own? We’ll consider how much we wish she were here to be part of our 14 month old granddaughter Miley’s life, and for that matter all our lives. As I write this, the memories and thoughts it generates makes sadness descend on me like a wave. Stupid, useless, futile speculation, not good for anything, but you hang on to what you’ve got. And if it is only memories and imagination, so be it.  

“Grief never ends. It is the price of love.” Indeed. 

Always remembered and forever loved,

Mom, Dad, Quentin, Richard, Alex and Coleen